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Chenris - not impossible
"So" Kris starts, placing the cup of mocha on the wooden surface, making a small cling sound, and Jongdae turns his head. "Did you get my letter?"
Jongdae nods. Of course he did, if he didn't he wouldn't be here now would he? Kris had written a letter to Jongdae, knowing how much the latter preferred that over email since they are too complicated. Jongdae's a little old fashion but that's one of the things Kris loves about him.
"Yeah, i did" Jongdae speaks, his voice soft and hushed, it sends shiver down Kris's spine.
"So...?"
Jongdae's eyes avert from looking at Kris to the table, avoiding Kris own and that's a sign telling he's not comfortable. The atmosphere is quiet again, mostly because it's only them in the shop, and it makes Kris a little anxious. After all the times spending with Jongdae, silence isn't a good thing, he noticed. It either means Jongdae is mad or sad. In this situation Kris likes to think it's both. He doesn't blame Jongdae though, he has all the rights to be.
"I don't think i can" Jongdae whispers after a long silence, his eyes never left the table, and Kris feels his own heart sinks. What did he expect anyways? He knows it wouldn't be easy but he just had to try, and he's still going to try. No matter how hard.
Kris bites his own lower lips, something he does when he's extremely anxious or when he tries to be sexy, this time it's the former. He sighs and reaching out to get a hold of Jongdae's hands; they're so small and soft unlike his own. It feels like someone stabs his heart when Jongdae tries to withdraw his hands away, he never does that, at least not before everything fell apart.
"Jongdae" Kris pleads, hands still gripping onto Jongdae. "You have to let me explain"
There's a pause.
"Kris please, there's really nothing to explain. You lied" Kris. Kris. He doesn't know which hurt more, Jongdae calling him by something only strangers would; or him not willing to listen.
"But you haven't listen to my side of the story"
Jongdae finally looks up to meet Kris's eyes except his are cold and there's almost no emotion but Kris knows better; Jongdae is always good at masking his feelings and he know full well how angry Jongdae is right now.
"Which side? The one where you lied to me or the one where you didn't tell the truth?"
Kris isn't going to lie; it hurts. So much but that doesn't mean he's going to give up. Not like this, Jongdae means too much to him.
"Jongdae, you don't understand. I- i was -"
"- You were married" Jongdae finishes the sentence for him and Kris swears Jongdae's eyes look a lot glassier.
"Yeah but -"
"But nothing"
It's frustrating really, Jongdae is too stubborn to even listen but Kris is not one to give up. Never. Not on Jongdae.
"And it doesn't matter really" Jongdae goes on, looking as calm as ever but Kris can tell he's hurt inside. "I don't feel like that toward you anymore. I've moved on Kris"
Lies. Lies. Lies. They have to be. Jongdae surely wouldn't move on that fast, not when Kris is still too stuck in the moment. At least, this is what Kris thinks.
"It's nice seeing you again but i have to go" Jongdae stands up, taking his scarfs and beanie with him. "Coffee's on me"
---
Jongdae's world is falling apart. He didn't think he it would hurt that much seeing Kris again. If he knew he wouldn't have agreed but it happened. Now he's crying by himself in some random children park, sitting on the cold ground with his legs to his chest. It's so dark and too cold but Jongdae is really to numb to feel anything. He's shedding all the tears he never knew he had.
"You're such a hypocrite"
Jongdae thinks he's delusional because he's hearing things, no one's supposed to be here at this hour.
"How could you say that you've moved on and then sit there and cry over me?"
He's going crazy because he's sure that it's Kris's voice, and now he's hearing footsteps.
"And don't lie saying you aren't"
Jongdae lifts his head up, away from his knees and there's Kris standing right in front of him. He doesn't know if it's because his eyes are blurry from his own tears or if Kris is actually crying. It doesn't matter because why is Kris even here? He blinks as Kris kneels down in front of him, and Jongdae thinks Kris is going to get sick for not wearing enough.
"I know i said this a million times before but i'm sorry" Jongdae can see the tears rolling down Kris's cheeks and he has this urge to wipe them away but how can he when he's too busy wiping his own. "I'm so so so sorry i wasn't honest with you but i was so scared, i didn't want to lose you"
Jongdae sobs, Kris's face is too close to his and he can smell the familiar scent coming from Kris's body. The scent that he missed so much.
"It hurts" Jongdae says finally, his voice hoarse from all the crying. "It hurts so much"
"I know"
"You lied, you broke our promise and i thought you didn't love me. I mean, why else would you lie?" Jongdae chokes on his tears, they're flowing uncontrollably and it's so hard to control his vision.
Kris shakes his head, his arms draping around Jongdae and pulls him in for an embrace. He's glad Jongdae doesn't pull away. "I loved you Jongdae, i still do. I'm so so sorry"
They're both breaking down, shoulders shaking and nose running, looking not one bit attractive but does it even matter?
"Did you love her?" Jongdae's voice is broken as he pulls himself away. His eyes are puffy and his nose is red, Kris doesn't look any better either.
Kris shakes his head frantically, like he's afraid if he doesn't do it enough Jongdae would think he's lying. "No. I was forced to marry her. I swear Jongdae"
Jongdae wants to scoff at the idea of arranged marriage. What century is this?
"I know what you're thinking" Kris says after watching the way Jongdae's nose scrunches up. "What century is this to be in an arranged marriage?" Jongdae isn't even surprise because somehow, Kris is always able to read his thought just by looking at his face. Was he really that transparent?
"I never loved her, we were never happy. In fact, i never knew the meaning of happiness until i met you" He admits sheepishly then hits his own head for sounding stupid. "Fuck, i sound so corny but i'm telling the truth."
Jongdae hits his chest, wanting to laugh at how dumb Kris looks but this isn't the right time. "Don't cuss" He says. He has always hated it when Kris cusses; it doesn't fit his good looking face.
"I'm sorry" Kris mumbles. "But i'm serious Jongdae, I love you and i'll do anything to prove it to you. I'll do anything to get you back"
There's another short pause.
"Will you jump in front of a car for me?" He doesn't know why he blurts that out but Kris stares at him and blinks. His lips parted slightly out of surprise.
"Do you really want me to do that?" Kris's voice sounded serious and Jongdae doesn't answer. He wants to see to what extend will Kris go to get him back and it startles him when Kris stands up. His face turning away from Jongdae as he walks toward the street.
He wouldn't do it right? He's not that stupid right? But it appears that Kris is really that stupid for he jumps in the middle of the street where cars are coming, and Jongdae's heart drops to stomach as fears kick in. He doesn't realize he's already running toward Kris and pulling him back onto the curb.
"What the fuck Kris?! Are you crazy? Why would you do that?" Jongdae's yelling and he doesn't care if people are staring.
"You said you wanted me to" Kris replies simply, still a bit shock to hear the foul word escaping Jongdae's lips.
"You idiot! I never said that" Jongdae's crying, yet once again. He's hitting Kris's chest as he screams with his face scrunches up. "Do you know how scared i was?"
"I mean it when i said i'll do anything, Jongdae" Kris says only after Jongdae has calmed down but he can still hear sniffing sounds coming from the latter.
Jongdae stands still as he feels Kris's fingers on his cheeks; it feels so warm and nice, and he'd be lying if he says he doesn't like it. Kris's forehead is now against his and his steady breathing is slapping against Jongdae's face.
"I know it'll take some times for you to forgive me but please, just give me a chance to make it up you" Kris whispers, the smell of mocha still lingering in his breath. Jongdae takes a moment before nodding slightly, he can see the corners of Kris's lips turn into a smile as he does so.
"Okay Wu fan" Now that's what he's supposed to call Kris.
"Can i kiss you?"
It surprises both of them that Jongdae is the one moving in, letting their lips touch and both of them sighs in contentment. And this may sound stupid and cliche but it feels like they're the only one there at that moment. It's like everything goes into slow motion as Kris gently nibbles on Jongdae's lips before sliding his tongue in to meet Jongdae's. It will take some times for Jongdae to fully forget and forgive but it's not impossible.
DATE:Tuesday, February 5, 2013
TIME:{1:25 AM }
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